


Chasing Illusions(Discontinued)

by agentlemanneverlies



Category: Pocket Monsters: Black & White | Pokemon Black and White Versions
Genre: Angst, M/M, Nuzlocke Challenge, Pokemon Journey, eventual isshushipping, there might be a happy ending???
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-21
Updated: 2014-11-12
Packaged: 2018-02-18 05:37:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2337122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agentlemanneverlies/pseuds/agentlemanneverlies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"As the autumn leaves swirled down from the trees and into the tall grass before him, and Nile clung tightly to his leg with stubby paws, Touya knew he had made the right choice to let go of his attachments and go adventuring."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! This fanfic got removed somehow, so I'm reposting it. This time however, I'm going to update the fic and the blog at the same time. If you followed this fic before then you likely know the gist of what I'm about to say, but for new readers: this fic is based on nuzlocke I'm doing. Pokemon will die. There will be mentions of a lot of potentially triggering things. PLEASEEEEE read my author notes at the beginning every time if you have common triggers. I will putting tigger warnings before each chapter.
> 
> On another note, there will be potential shipping, but, there will NOT be smut. This fic is a challenge to myself to write something where the shipping is an effect of the plot, not a cause, and I don't think for the direction I'm taking it in smut will be entirely fitting. If this fic is a puzzle, smut is the extra piece that doesn't fit.
> 
> Anyway, enough of my rambling. I present to you: Chasing Illusions, a Pokemon Black version nuzlocke!

The sun rose slowly, casting it’s warmth through the nearly barren trees and causing a faint orange glow to sink through the glass and illuminate Touya’s bedroom. The light, although barely there, was enough to rouse the sleeping boy from the depths of the dreamworld, his eyes flickering open in confusion to attempt to take in his surroundings. He sat upright in his bed, slowly, the blanket shifting and falling into his lap, revealing his bare torso. He shivered, still unused to the autumn cold even after living in Nuvema town for so long.

After his eyes became more adjusted to the light, Touya gazed around his room, his sight passing over familiar objects that held childhood memories, some good, some bad, and many bittersweet.

The autographed picture of Alder for example, was something he cherished and at the same time loathed. Touya loved pokemon battles. He loved pokemon trainers. He loved just about everything that had to do with pokemon. When he had been only six years old, he had decided he would become the greatest pokemon trainer that ever lived. For his twelfth birthday, his parents had taken him to watch the pokemon league tournament, and afterwards, Touya had been allowed to go and meet Alder, the reining champion.

Touya winced at the memory.

Sure he loved pokemon, but the whole thing was a touchy subject on his part.

Not even a week after that life-changing experience, another even more life-changing event occurred. Touya’s father passed away, and his lifelong dream of becoming a pokemon trainer was snatched away from his grasp.

He had never known his father very well, but his mother had mourned endlessly, quitting her job, and barely leaving the house.

At first Touya hadn’t paid much mind to it. His father was gone, but he still had one parent, and he was still hell bent on becoming champion. But soon, the people around him began planting doubt into his head, and he became obsessed with caring for his mother. “Who else will take care of her,” they had said, and Touya had believed them.

For his thirteenth birthday, instead of going on a pokemon journey like he had wanted to, Touya began to study the law, intent on doing something with his life that could help to care for the woman who had given it to him. He stopped playing with the children in the town, he stopped watching the professor’s pokemon, and he stopped waiting for the day he could leave. He became studious, hardworking, and stubborn, all for the sake of his mother.

But as his eyes finally landed on the backpack he had prepared, just in case one day he changed his mind; he realized that he was done with the ‘gentleman’ he had become.

It was then, basking in the light of a cold autumn morning, that Touya decided ‘fuck it all, I’m going adventuring’.

His two best and only friends, Cheren and Bel had tried to be sensitive and stick with him despite his rather depressing decision to give up his dreams, but they had grown tired of waiting. Today, they would leave and make new friends. Today, would likely be the last day Touya saw them for years, unless he did something about it.

Today was the day Cheren and Bel would start their own pokemon journeys, and leave Touya behind. Or so they thought.

Touya took one last hesitant glance at the stack of law books piled on his desk, and shook his head. Not today. He bolted from his bed, dressed as quickly as he could, grabbed his bag, and flew down the stairs.

"Mom, I’ve decided, I’m going to be a pokemon trainer after all," he called, as he rushed outside the door. He didn’t even give her time to respond; he just left.

The wind outside rushed through his ears and left a chill throughout him, but that didn’t matter, he was finally going to live his dream. Today he would get his first pokemon; tomorrow, he’d be on his way to champion.

"Sorry I’m late!"

Touya slammed the door to professor Juniper’s lab open and barely managed to avoid crashing into a desk by skidding across the floor. He landed awkwardly on his knees, and as he picked himself up off the group and wiped off his hands across his pants, he could feel the eyes of every person in the room strained on him. And for good reason too.

Professor Juniper cleared her throat and turned to Touya, her surprise clear on her face. “Touya dear, I thought you had decided to stay with your mother.”

Touya shook his head. “I er… Changed my mind.”

Bel and Cheren continued to look hesitantly at him as if to ask ‘what about your mother,’ and he shook his head to tell them he was serious. Bel got the message and looked back towards the professor.

Cheren on the other hand, raised a brow, but didn’t comment. Instead, he turned his attention back to where it had been before.

"As you all know, I have been researching pokemon for years." Touya, Cheren, and Bel nodded in unison. "Unfortunately, I cannot be out in the field all the time, nor can I travel to collect data on the various types of pokemon throughout the Unova region," she paused. "That is where you three come in. I have chosen the three of you to travel, and record data on each new pokemon you meet using these." Professor Juniper took a moment to retrieve three pokedexes from her desk, and handed on to each of the three teens. "But of course, to do that, you must first get a pokemon."

"Oh! I can’t wait, can we see them already?!" Bel squirmed in excitement where she stood.

The professor smiled. “Yes of course.” Walking over to a table, she took the pokeball from the center and threw it into the air. Out came a small green snake like pokemon, that instantly looked away and refused to acknowledge them. Touya chuckled a little. Seeing this pokemon instantly reminded him of Cheren. “This is Snivey, a grass type. He can be somewhat stubborn at times, but he really is friendly.”

"Oh it’s so cute! But grass types sort of scare me…" Bel sighed.

Professor Juniper threw the next pokeball, and a fiery pig-like pokemon appeared. He took one look at Bel and jumped up into her arms. Or at least, he tried to. He ended up tackling her.

Bel though, did not see it as a tackle and from her new position on the floor, wrapped her arms around the small pokemon and hugged it tight.

"That’s Tepig, the fire pig pokemon."

"Oh he’s perfect! I think I’ll name him piggy! Oh…" She remembered her two friends were still there, and had to choose their own pokemon. "You two don’t mind do you?"

Touya shook his head. In all honesty, he didn’t care what pokemon he got, as long as he got one.

Professor Juniper cleared her throat to retrieve their attention, and threw the last pokeball. Out came what Touya saw as a little ball of white fluff. It immediately darted into Touya’s arms and wouldn’t move. “This is Oshawott, a water type… Er… He’s a little clingy.”

Touya looked down at the small bundle of fluff he awkwardly held in his arms, and instantly fell in love with it. “Hey there little guy… Ummm… Would you like to be my partner?” The little water type seemed to brighten and nodded with a small ‘waa’, nuzzling further into Touya’s grasp. “Do you mind if I call you Nile?” The Oshawott shook it’s head and Touya couldn’t help but smile. He had a partner now.

Cheren made a noise of disapproval and picked up the Snivy. “I guess I’m stuck with this guy huh? Oh well. I’ll call him Fang.”

Once Profesor Juniper had given them their pokeballs, shown them the basics of training(which included a battle or two. Nile won most of them.), and walked them to the edge of Nuvema town, Touya could hardly contain his excitement. He allowed Cheren and Bel to run up ahead as he stared off into the horizon of his hometown. “This is it, huh Nile, the start of a new journey…”

As the autumn leaves swirled down from the trees and into the tall grass before him, and Nile clung tightly to his leg with stubby paws, Touya knew he had made the right choice to let go of his attachments and go adventuring.


	2. Chapter 1 // Naturally Questioning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Touya jumped back and stared at his aggressor, only to flush in embarrassment. The man he had crashed into was very young, tall, and graceful, standing in a way that showed he was proud of himself, yet at the same time there was a humbleness about him, as well as an obvious compassion. But the most unusual feature of this man, was his hair. It was long and curly, and tied back with a hair tie. This was not uncommon in the Unova region, but what was rather rare, was the color. Touya had never seen a more vibrant shade of green, even in the forests during summertime."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, here's chapter 1. There aren't really any major triggers in here just yet haha...

The walk towards Accumula town was, for the most part, peaceful. Touya stepped calmly through the grass, his new partner trailing along behind him, and didn’t look back. He was a trainer now, and the moment he had stepped through the door to professor Juniper’s lab he had thrown away any worries or attachments he had to his old life. This was a fresh start, he now had Nile.

Suddenly, Touya froze in his tracks, and Nile nearly collided with his leg. Through the breeze, came a low growl.

Nile tugged at his pants in concern, letting out a soft “Osha?” to ask why they had stopped.

"Shh, Nile, you ready for a battle?"

The poor pokemon was not given a chance to answer however, as a brown and black creature resembling a puppy darted out of the grass, and crouched before them, growling threateningly.

Touya carefully reached into his bag, pulling forth his pokedex as slowly as he could so as not to startle the obviously aggravated pokemon. He clicked it open and held it out to scan the creature before him. With a beep, the electronic voice spoke up. “Lillipup, the puppy pokemon. The long hair around its face provides an amazing radar that lets it sense subtle changes in its surroundings. Lillipup is a normal type pokemon.”

"So you’re a normal type huh…?"

The Lillipup growled in response, and Touya suppressed a shudder. He could do this, he had Nile, he could manage a fight against a wild pokemon.

"Alright Nile, let’s go!" Nile jumped away from his leg with a sudden excitement that surged through the small creature’s heart. He yipped in approval, and Touya couldn’t help but smile watching as each of Nile’s muscles flexed in anticipation.

"Nile, use tackle!" The small pokemon did exactly that. Or at least it tried. Nile charged awkwardly at the Lillipup, his eyes shut tightly and his arms flailing beside him as he stumbled through the grass. The Lillipup simply darted out of the way and growled again. Touya groaned inwardly.

"Okay let’s try that again. Nile use tackle!"

Nile once more charged head first, and stumbled to a halt when the other pokemon jumped out of the way. It frantically turned it’s head around, looking for where its opponent had gone.

And so it continued for several more minutes. Nile would try to use the only attack he knew only for the Lillipup to disappear from his path, leaving him to whine in annoyance.

Finally Nile’s frustration reached it’s peak, and it opened it’s mouth once more to voice it’s discontent. Only when it opened it’s mouth, what came out was not a noise of anger, but a powerful jet of water that hit the Lillipup square in the stomach, knocking it to the ground.

What?

Touya turned his head in utter confusion. When had Nile learned water gun?

"I suppose that’s one way of doing it."

When the Lillipup did not get up, Touya took the advantage and threw a pokeball. It shook for a moment before calming down, signaling that he had succeeded in catching his first pokemon.

After retrieving the pokeball, the trainer smiled down at his partner and gave him a nice pat to the head. “You did good Nile, and you learned water gun!”

"Oshawott!" Nile jumped up onto his shoulder and clung there with his small clawed paws.

Touya stared at the pokeball in his hands. “I guess I should name him huh? Hmmm…” Naming pokemon was difficult. He didn’t want to assign a name to a friend that would not be appreciated, and since pokemon were likely to become quite prideful as they evolved, that left out just about every cute name he could think of. Perhaps something a bit more human…? Yes, that was it. Touya smiled. “I’ll call him Liam.”

He carefully placed Liam’s pokeball in his bag, and turned back to the path they had taken. “Well then, onward to Accumula town, you both could use a trip to the pokemon center.” It was best that they hurried, on a journey without set plans, anything could happen, and Touya would need healthy pokemon to help protect him and each other.

After the sudden encounter with Liam, nothing eventful happened, and Touya managed a brisk walk to Accumula town with Nile cradled and sleeping in his arms. As he stepped into the town square, he noticed Cheren and Bel both entering the Pokemon center, and ran to catch up with them, his left arm waving fervently in their direction.

"Hey! Cheren! Bel!" Bel did not hear him, as she had already entered the building, but Cheren whipped around and gave him a light smirk.

"So you finally caught up with us," he said, as Touya skidded to a halt beside him. Cheren gave him a comforting pat on the shoulder. "Good for you, you managed not to get lost on a perfectly straight road."

Touya scoffed. “That was only that one time! Besides, it’s not like you were any better!”

And so it went, for another ten minutes or so. Touya and Cheren stood playfully bantering back and forth, their laughter growing with each comment. Eventually, Bel grew worried, and stepped back outside. Upon seeing Touya, her energy multiplied and she cheerfully wrapped her arms around him.

"Touya! Wow we were only separated for like a day and I already missed you! I don’t even know how we’ll manage this journey on our own…"

"Bel, calm down… You’re sort of hurting me!" Touya struggled within his friends grasp. When she finally squeaked out an apology and let go, he quickly moved away panting heavily.

"Geez, go easy on the poor boy, will you?" Touya shot a glare at Cheren. Sometimes he just really knew how to get on the brunet’s nerves.

"Oh come on he can take it! After all, what kind of future champion would be defeated by a big hug?"

"Who says he’ll be the champion? Maybe I want to defeat Alder just as badly and claim the title for myself?"

Touya groaned. Here they go again. Bel, although she loved pokemon with all her heart, did not wish to become champion as she did not believe she could get into the right ‘zone’, as she put it, to defeat somebody as powerful as Alder. Instead, she settled for rooting for Touya in his quest to become the reining champion. Unfortunately, Cheren wanted the same title just as badly, if not more so, and refused to humor her even for a moment. The two had spent many hours in the past bickering heatedly, with Touya trapped pathetically between the two. But today, he was having none of it.

With a dramatic sigh, Touya shoved himself between the two, and through the front door of the pokemon center. Immediately, he froze in awe. He had been to a pokemon center before, on a vacation in his childhood, but this… This was like nothing he remembered.

The sheer size of the room he had walked into was only outdone by the amount of technology throughout. On the first floor, there was a simple waiting area with tables, and vending machines. On the second floor though… There were all types of machines he did not recognize, spanning from simple box like devices with computer monitors, to medical equipment he would not have been able to name even if he had been a pokemon nurse.

Touya slowly walked forward to the counter where the nurse gave him a welcoming and motherly smile. It filled him with such a warmth that he could not hold back his own smile.

"Hello ma’am. This is my first time visiting a pokemon center as a trainer… Ummm, I’d like to heal my Oshawott…" He placed Nile onto the counter, and reached through his bag for Liam’s pokeball. Finally locating the cool sphere, he placed it beside the water type. "…And my Lillipup."

The nurse gave a lighthearted laugh and shook her head. “There’s no need to be so formal about it. Anyway, your pokemon should be up and recharged in about an hour, you’re welcome to wait over there and meet with the other trainers if you’d like.” She motioned to the waiting area Touya had seen coming in.

Touya nodded in thanks, before turning and rushing over to a table by the window. He placed his bag over the back of the chair, sat down, and simply took in the scenery.

After awhile, a large crowd began to form in the town square, blocking the forest from Touya’s view. That was odd. Perhaps there was a town gathering of sorts? He continued to stare out the window, watching as more and more people gathered.

"Strange isn’t it? These guys just showed up in weird outfits. They said they’re gonna give a speech or something."

Touya was jolted from his trance by Cheren’s sudden arrival, and flipped around to stare at his friend with wide eyes. ”Sheesh Cheren how about a little warning next time?” With a shaky breath, he ran a hand through his bangs and glanced again back to the crowd.

"You know, if you hurry up, you might be able to watch," Cheren said with a grin, "who knows? You may make a memory to last eternity."

Touya took a moment to let the word sink in, and when he finally decided that yes, he was going to watch the speech just as soon as his pokemon were ready, he looked over to where his friend had been only to find him gone.

Sighing, the brunet stood and stretched. His muscles were a bit stiff from sitting for so long, but he’d be back on the road soon, so it was nothing to worry about. He grabbed his bag, threw it over his shoulder, and approached the counter.

"Miss, are my pokemon almost ready?"

The nurse turned around and brought forth a tray on which sat Nile, and a single pokeball that Touya assumed was Liam’s. “You’re just in time! If you want to catch whatever is going on in the town square you had better hurry, it’s about to start.”

Touya grabbed his pokemon, and with a brief nod of thanks, rushed out the door and into the crowd.

The whole ordeal wasn’t very comfortable. The people were packed close together, all trying desperately to get a good view by standing up on their toes, and nobody seemed able to shut up. Luckily, one of the people in the group Cheren had mentioned walked up to the edge of the stage and called forth all pokemon trainers.

Because of this, Touya was able to squirm his way through the crowd, and up to the front.

Finally, everyone went silent, as a man that was clearly the leader of the strange people stepped forward.

The other people were dressed in what appeared to be armor, at least, that’s what Touya assumed they were wearing. They looked like something out of a medieval times picture book.

But the man that stepped forward, was dressed far more regally, in robes made of fine gold and royal blue silks, with the most intricate patterns he had seen. This man still looked too medieval to be real, but he was far more serious looking than the rest of the goons that had stood upon the stage.

Touya watched with interest as he held up one hand, and lowered it slowly. simultaneously the people in his group formed a line at the vary back of the stage. “People of Accumula town… My name is Ghetsis, I represent Team Plasma. I suppose you are probably wondering why I have gathered you all here…”

Touya went rigid, as cold eyes full of malice stared right through him.

"I am here to speak to you about pokemon liberation."

The shocked silence that tore through the town square was unheard of. Nobody said anything, not even a word, yet the looks passed between each individual person were enough to scream out the discomfort that washed over the citizens. Something like this could never be good.

"I’m sure most of you believe that people and pokemon are partners, that we have come to live together because we want and need each other. However… Is that really the truth?" Ghetsis paused, his gaze returning to Touya. "Have you ever stopped to wonder what it’s like from the pokemon’s perspective? These beautiful creatures are taken from their homes and confined to the prisons we call pokeballs." He lifted his head slightly up, turning to the side to pace down the length of the stage. "Pokemon are subject to the selfish commands of trainers, they are pushed far beyond their limits when they are our ‘partners’ at work… Now ladies and gentlemen…" This time he glared across the line of trainers in the front. "Pokemon are beings with unknown amounts of potential. They are living beings from whom we humans have much to learn. Tell me, what is our responsibility towards these amazing beings?"

When nobody spoke up, Ghetsis smiled. Touya felt chills run through him. There was no way a smile like that could be natural.

"Liberation." After giving it a moment to sink into the audience, he turned towards the center of the stage, and stopped. "That is all." The seven people in weird clothes followed him, and formed a protective escort around him. In perfect unison, they marched onto the main street, through the town, and down the path leading out towards Striaton city.

As soon as they were gone, the town square cleared up, but still, nobody spoke. The subject was just too heavy, and it was not an appropriate time for anything more than the silent solitude of thoughts.

In a world that had always been shared by people and pokemon coexisting and helping each other, the thought of separating all attachments to the strange creatures was just unnerving. And so, Touya found himself shaking, not really looking for his friends, and questioning his every decision thus far.

After the initial adrenaline of the situation wore off, Touya managed to regain the ability to walk, and took a few steps on shaky limbs… Only to crash into a complete stranger.

Touya jumped back and stared at his aggressor, only to flush in embarrassment. The man he had crashed into was very young, tall, and graceful, standing in a way that showed he was proud of himself, yet at the same time there was a humbleness about him, as well as an obvious compassion. But the most unusual feature of this man, was his hair. It was long and curly, and tied back with a hair tie. This was not uncommon in the Unova region, but what was rather rare, was the color. Touya had never seen a more vibrant shade of green, even in the forests during summertime.

Touya gaped awkwardly as the man looked him down from head to toe taking in his appearance. Nile gave a small chirp of greeting and the man looked slightly confused.

"Your pokemon… Just now it was saying…"

Touya blinked in confusion. “E-eh-!? What’s this about my pokemon talking?”

"So you can’t hear it either… What a shame… My name is N."

"Umm… My name is Touya, sorry for uhh bumping into you like that. I just started my journey to complete the pokedex today, so I’m a bit unused to uhh well… You know…"

N frowned. “The pokedex? So you intend to confine many pokemon into these metal contraptions? I’m a trainer too, yet I can’t help wondering… Anyway, Touya was it? I wish to hear you pokemon’s voice again, please, will you join me for a battle?”

When Touya gave a startled nod, N took several steps back, reached into his pocket, and drew forth a pokeball. “Help me out my friend,” he said, as he threw it out onto the field.

Nile squirmed as a cat like pokemon appeared in the grass, and licked it’s front paw. Touya stroked his fur gently to calm him down, and drew his pokedex from his bag. “Purrloin, the Devious Pokémon. Purrloin fools people into letting their guard down so it can steal their possessions. When angered, it uses its claws to fight back. Purrloin is a dark type pokemon.”

Touya looked down to Nile, and then at the Purrloin, which had begun to sharpen it’s claws. As long as he used water gun, he shouldn’t get hurt to badly… “Alright Nile, you ready to go?”

Nile slowly crawled to the ground, it’s previous energy lost when facing such a creepy opponent. It took it’s place in front of its trainer, preparing for the worst.

"Alright my friend, use fury swipes!"

N’s Purrloin jumped forward with its sharpened claws outstretched, ready to strike. However, just as it was about to hit the Oshawott, Nile released a powerful watergun, knocking Purrloin flying. It got off the ground and hissed at Nile.

"Nile, let’s finished this quickly. Use water gun again, then hit it with a tackle while it’s down!" Nile shot water stream after water stream at the Purrloin, but the cat pokemon kept dodging. Finally, Nile managed to strike it right in the face, sending it flying into the ground. It followed its trainers instructions exactly, and tackled the pokemon further into the earth. When the Purrloin didn’t get up, Nile stood with one foot on its stomach, and both his paws pressed to his hips in a victory pose.

Touya couldn’t help but laugh at the ridiculousness of it. “Come on buddy, you did good.” He walked over and picked up the water type before it could further harm the poor cat pokemon. “That was a good fight,” he said, holding out his hand.

N nodded, but did not shake his hand. Instead he returned the Purrloin to it’s pokeball, kissed the capsule, and began to walk away. Before he could round the corner onto the path that would take him to Striaton city, he looked back over his shoulder and stared longingly at Touya.

"Your pokemon said such great things about you… I never expected to hear such things about a creature confined to live it’s life in a spherical prison. Pokemon can never be perfect beings as long as they are confined to pokeballs… I must change the world, for my friends, the pokemon… One day you’ll understand…"

Then, as mysteriously as he had shown up, N had disappeared.

Touya stared off down the path after the strange man, wondering if they would ever meet again. In a way, he hoped they would, because at least then he could ensure that this day had not been a very strange warped dream created to compensate for his previous lack of adventure.

He shook his head. Too much had happened, and it was no use questioning it now. He had had a long day, and would have another one very soon, so the best he could do would be to head back to the pokemon center for some much needed rest.

As he brushed his fingers through Nile’s fur though, Touya couldn’t help but wonder. Was becoming a pokemon trainer really such a bad thing? Had he made the wrong choice after all? Whatever the answer, it could wait until the morning. For now, he would focus on nothing other than his first victory against a stranger with unnaturally, and beautifully, green hair.


	3. Chapter 2 // Ante Mortem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "His thoughts once more strayed to N. The memory of this battle would haunt him for the rest of his journey, but not nearly as much as the fact that N had been right after all. Pokemon could only be harmed if they were in the company of an inferior race like humanity."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: In the chapter, a pokemon almost dies. Yup.

When Touya woke the next day, his pokemon were healed and ready to go, so he wasted no time in dashing out of the pokemon center, and out of Accumula town. As much as he loved the atmosphere of the small town, he couldn’t bear to be around people at the moment. He needed some time to think for himself.

For once he had placed Nile within his pokeball, an action that pained him, but that he felt was necessary lest he become more aggravated than he currently was.

What he really needed, and wanted, was a battle, and not just one against some random beginning trainer. Touya was twitching for a battle that would challenge his intellect and distract him from the war currently being waged within his young mind. What he needed, was an outlet, and damn the world if he couldn’t find one.

And so, Touya was left alone in the forest between Accumula town and Straiton city, grumbling to himself and kicking up dirt in irritation.

Striaton city was supposed to be only a day’s journey away from Accumula town, but by noon, Touya was sick to death of the silence the forest brought, and sent out Liam’s pokeball.

The puppy pokemon looked at him with concern and confusion, wondering why in the world he had been called out.

Touya sighed. “Liam, we’re gonna do some training.”

And so, Touya spent a majority of the day ordering Liam to attack any wild pokemon that came within sight.

By the end of it all, Liam was panting by his trainer, as Touya struggled to pitch a tent with only the help of Nile.

Trying to pitch a tent by himself, was hard enough, but it didn’t help even the slightest that a twelve inch tall otter insisted on offering his assistance. The small creature only got in the way. Touya was just about to place the last beam into place, when Nile lost his grip, and the whole frame jumped free.

If this kept up, they weren’t going to have a tent to sleep in, and judging by the look of the sky, they were going to need it. The night looked like it was going to be a cold one.

As much as he hated to let Nile off unattended, Touya needed to work alone, so he made up his mind. Nile could gather food. “Uhg… Nile, why don’t you go look for berries or something that I can use to make dinner.”

Nile gave him a knowing glance, that told Touya he was having none of his bullshit, and Touya shook his head. “Nile, I really need help getting dinner together, can you please help me?”

Nile still looked unconvinced, but this at least seemed to sway him into following his trainer’s request.

As soon as Nile had wandered off, Touya let out a loud sighed and collapsed against a tree. He lovingly ran a hand through Liam’s soft fur. “You understand don’t you? Why I lied?”

Liam only grunted in response.

Touya rolled his eyes, once more standing on shaky legs, and attempting to patch together their tent. It took him several tries, but he eventually got it sturdy enough to last the night.

When Nile returned with an armload of large, ripe, Oran berries, and some equally ripe but not quite as large Cheri berries. Touya thanked him, and pulled out his cooking pot. Carefully, he peeled, cut, and tossed in the berries. He then added a bit of flour, some spices and herbs, as well as some water. When the mixture was finished, he turned back to Nile. “Can you go get some firewood? We can’t cook without a fire.”

Nile once more scurried off to do the task which his trainer had given him. It took the water pokemon three trips, but he eventually brought back enough wood to build a fire. Touya wasted no time in arranging the sticks and branches into a proper form, and pulling out his lighter.

Once the fire was roaring, he set up his pot so that it hung directly over the fire. It had been awhile since he’d made a home-cooked meal using only what was found in the wild, but he enjoyed the experience. No matter where they were, he could always manage a light soup of some kind, and he always had poffins and bread in his bag to go with it.

Touya sat, stroking both of his pokemon and watching the fire, waiting for their meal to be done. He sighed. “Hey Nile, about what… N said… Do you regret being my partner?”

Nile squirmed out of his grasp and climbed onto his lap, looking at him in disbelief. He let out a yipp, and nuzzled into his Trainer’s chest, and Touya assumed that meant ‘no’.

"I just… What if you get hurt? I could never forgive myself if something were to happen to you, or Liam…" He glance down at the Lillipup, who had also tried to jump into his lap, but only managed to get his front legs up. He whined and licked Touya’s hand.

If neither of his pokemon regretted being captured, then was it really such taboo to be a trainer?

Touya gazed into the flames, admiring the freedom with which they leaped and danced. If only life could be like the fire, bright, full of new energy, and free. But the fire he thought, was just as fragile as life, in an instant, it could be extinguished by something insignificant, and necessary.

He was brought out of his thoughts by Liam who was attemtping to stalk the cooking pot as though it were a Patrat. He groaned. Carefully, he set Nile down beside him, and stood, approaching the pot. Upon noticing that the contents had begun to bubble, he reached into his bag for a ladle and began to stir it. Finally, he deemed it done, and went to get the bowls. He was still feeling down, but dinner was necessary for his pokemon to stay healthy, so he pushed away his feelings for the time being, and focussed instead on serving out the soup.

He placed a poffin in each of his pokemon’s bowls, and set them before the small creatures, watching in awe as Nile dug in right away and began to wolf down the meal. “Nile, if you eat that fast, you might choke!” The water type ignored him, so he looked over to check on his other pokemon.

Liam was more reserved, and ate his slowly and regally, enjoying the flavor that his trainer had created. Liam really did act like royalty sometimes.

There was a quiet splash as Nile lost his balance and his face fell into his meal. Touya shook his head. Oh well, he sort of had warned him.

finally, Touya deemed them taken care of, of served himself some of his concoction. He was absolutely starving, having not eaten lunch that day in favor of training, and the soup smell delicious. He took his bowl, and leaned back against a tree, enjoying the unique flavor, and smooth texture, as well as the warmth radiating from the fire.

Perhaps, if he couldn’t handle being a trainer, he could still travel with a couple pokemon, and just enjoy the company they brought, as well as the land they resided in.

His thoughts strayed back to N once more, wondering, who this man was, and what he had meant when he had said he must change the world. It was all so absurd, after all, what could one individual do to affect the entire world and it’s views and ways of living. To change the world and liberate pokemon would be to completely rewrite reality, and Touya honestly doubted that was possible even if one were to acquire the help of a legendary pokemon like Arceus(who may or may not exist).

But there had just been a certain sincerity in N’s voice that told him, ‘I will succeed, I will do the impossible’, and this left Touya feeling unnerved, confused, and lonely.

Eventually, the fire had dulled to a low glow, and Liam and Nile were both sleepily sitting by the entrence to the tent. Touya decided enough was enough, and got to work cleaning the dishes in preparation for bed. There was enough soup to be reheated for breakfast tomorrow, or lunch, depending on when he and his pokemon grew hungry, so he poured into a thermos and stored it in his bag.

Once everything was cleaned and put away, Touya gently shook his two pokemon awake and helped them inside the tent. He unfurled his sleeping bag, climbed inside, and waited for Nile and Liam to settle down beside him. “Hey… I want you guys to know that even if I give up being a trainer, I won’t give up the two of you… And…” He realized then that they were both out cold, and sighed. “Right… Goodnight Nile, goodnight Liam.”

He laid down against the floor of his tent, and pulled the sleeping bag closed tightly around him to keep in the warmth. It was going to be a cold night after all.

As he lay there trying to fall into an uneasy slumber, Touya wondered how his mother was doing, but at the same time, he didn’t want to know. When he had walked into Professor Juniper’s lab and taken custody of Nile, Touya the good boy had died, and Touya the pokemon trainer had been born. If he ever did visit his mother again, he would likely only do so after becoming champion of the Unova region.

Eventually, Touya forgot enough about his previous worries, and fell asleep, dreaming of the day he would defeat Alder.

—————————————————————————————————

Touya awoke with a start to the sound of rustling, and carefully shook Nile and Liam awake. If there was a wild pokemon outside, they needed to move quickly, so that they could ambush it before it managed to attack them and their camp, or steal their supplies.

Touya brought a finger to his lips, and with a small, “shh,” slowly unzipped his sleeping bag. He carefully crept to the entrance of the tent, and opened the flaps, preparing for the worst.

Except, the worst turned out not to be a wild pokemon after all.

Right then, the rustling sound grew louder, and along with a sudden, “Oww! Piggy-“ a figure fell into the clearing where they had set up camp. This time, Touya knew it was not a wild pokemon, but his rival and best friend, Bel.

With a groan, she forced herself into a sitting position and began to rub fervently at her nose. “Ohh that hurt…” She glanced up at Touya and smiled brightly upon noticing her friend. “Oh! Hello Touya. Funny seeing you here- Oww!” It was then that her Tepig-Piggy as she had named it- came crashing to a halt beside her, his head having collided with her abdomen. She whined and picked up the small pokemon, holding it out in front of her. “Piggy! I told you to be more careful! Remember what happened with Fluffy?”

Touya fidgeted awkwardly as his friend scolded her pokemon. Honestly, sometimes he wondered how in the world she managed to succeed at anything. She was just so… Clumsy. She never managed to do much of anything properly, yet still somehow was okay in life. It simply didn’t make any sense. Touya sighed. The more he questioned it, the more he would end up hurting both himself and his friend, so he let it go under the explanation that she was simple Bel.

Touya blinked at her. “Err it isn’t that strange I should think, you did sort of just walk into my camp.”

She looked around for a moment and then jumped to her feet in surprise. “Oh! I suppose I did. Well no matter.”

Nile nudged at Touya’s leg, and he looked down to see just what was wrong. Ahh, that made sense. Nile and Piggy were both locked into a staring match, or, perhaps maybe a glaring match. Touya wasn’t too sure. Bel noticed as well, because a moment later she grinned, and her entire body tense in excitement.

“Alright Touya, since I’m here now how about we have a pokemon battle!?”

Touya couldn’t deny her excitement was infectious, and even after sleeping on his thoughts from the previous day, he was still twitching for a fight to relieve tension. This was exactly the chance he needed.

He flashed Bel a smirk, and nodded. “Alright, if you think you can handle my new pokemon!”

Her excitement seemed to rise at this. “Are you sure you can handle mine?”

“Of course I am! Come on Nile, do your thing!”

Nile felt his trainer’s anticipation and jumped forward, pumped for the chance to prove himself.

Bel looked down at Piggy. He was a fire type… sending him out would be risky… Instead of sending her beloved friend into a dangerous situation, she reached through her bag to find another pokemon. “Oh… Now where did it go…?” Touya groaned, this could take awhile.

Finally she seemed to locate the right pokeball, because the next thing Touya knew, she had thrown down her bag, and tossed the pokeball onto the field. “Alright Fluffy, let’s win this!”

And suddenly Touya found himself looking at another Lillipup. He shouldn’t have been surprised, considering Lillipup and Patrat were the only common pokemon in the area, but still, he glanced sympathetically over to Liam who just looked away as if to say he didn’t care.

Judging by the way Bel was twitching, she was beginning to grow impatient, so Touya quickly gathered himself and shouted his commands to Nile. “Alright, start with a water gun!”

Bel’s Lillipup didn’t see it coming, and was instantly thrown against a tree. When the water cleared, it did not move even the slightest, having already fallen unconscious from both the force of the water, and the shockwave of hitting the tree. Admittedly, Touya felt a little bad about knocking out her new pokemon, but it wasn’t his fault, nor was it his pokemon’s fault, so he did not dwell on those feelings much.

Instead, he prepared for her next pokemon, which, unless she had caught a Patrat, would likely be her Tepig. “Nile, you can come back now, I want to let Liam have a turn.”

Nile rushed back to his feet and grumpily sat down. Touya would have liked to let his Oshawott fight more, but Liam needed the practice just as much as Nile did, and he couldn’t risk either of them becoming anything less than the best they could be.

Liam happily jumped up from where he had been watching and growled competitively at the Tepig.

Bel squealed. Most likely she had not noticed Liam until just now, because she was looking at him like she had never seen a Lillipup before. “Oh he’s just precious! I almost don’t want to fight him… Oh well, Piggy let’s go!”

The fire pokemon’s energy ignited, and it jumped forward, flames leaving it’s nose in short puffs. If Touya wasn’t careful, Liam could get burned, or worse… But he was confident that Liam would be fine, as long as he was wary of what his enemy was capable of.

Bel shifted, and he knew she was about to give her first command. Both he and Liam tensed in preparation. “Piggy, use Ember!” Thin wisps of fire flew from the Tepig’s mouth, and Liam quickly jumped out of the way.

“Liam, give it a tackle.”

Liam obeyed his trainer faithfully, rushing forward and ramming into the Tepig, sending it flying across the dirt. This didn’t hurt it much, instead only adding to it’s aggravation and determination to defeat the puppy pokemon. Liam whimpered, and shot a look of fear to it’s trainer, who swallowed hard. If it came down to it, he could always send Nile back into the fight, but he was committed to defeating the Tepig with Liam.

Bel decided enough was enough and called out, “Piggy, tackle it while using ember.”

The rest happened so fast, yet to Touya, it felt like an eternity. He was frozen, unable to do anything, as the fire type picked up speed, charged by the fire it was letting off, and rammed into Liam. There was a yelp of pain, from which pokemon neither trainer could tell, as the collision had raised a cloud of smoke and dust. When the air cleared, it turned out to have originated from Piggy, as Liam in a moment of distress, had bitten him. Hard. His teeth had dug deeply into the poor pokemon’s leg, and Touya felt sick. His pokemon, the creature he cared and loved for, had just inflicted a horrible wound on his best friend’s partner. And it was just awful. The stench of blood reached his nostrils, and it took everything he had to force down the bile that was slowly rising in the pit of his stomach. “Liam let go now!” The puppy pokemon carefully dropped Piggy and looked wearily up at his trainer. Touya wasted no time in returning Liam to his pokeball.

He turned to Bel, a worried expression on his face as she knelt beside her precious partner, shock evident on her face. “Bel, we need to move now, the Striaton city pokemon center isn’t far from here, you should go on ahead while I pack up. I’ll meet you there as soon as I can.”

She nodded, not bothering to look him in the eyes. Instead she simply moved and carefully picked up Piggy, watching as he breathed unsteadily.

Bel couldn’t stand to watch her pokemon suffer, so she fixed her eyes on the path, and began running off in the direction of Striaton city.

As Touya and Nile did their best to quickly roll up the sleeping bag, tear down their tent, and repack all their items, Touya had but one thing on his mind. Piggy could die, and he could end up being the cause. It was a concept that he could not fully comprehend until now. Pokemon could die. Pokemon could die.

He shuddered, and looked back at the pool of blood left from his battle earlier. He would have to do his best not to let this happen every again. Especially not to his own team. He quickly shouldered his bag, picked up Nile, and began to run at full speed after Bel. His thoughts once more strayed to N. The memory of this battle would haunt him for the rest of his journey, but not nearly as much as the fact that N had been right after all. Pokemon could only be harmed if they were in the company of an inferior race like humanity.


	4. Chapter 3 // Incendiary Impulses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "His a heart heavy with betrayal, Touya ran towards what would likely be a path of loss. But there was no turning back now, he had already gone too far."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Another pokemon almost dies in this, and there's mentions of neglect and abandonment.

When Touya finally arrived in Striaton city with both of his pokemon safely in their pokeballs, he could not say he had ever run faster in his life. When he had envisioned becoming a trainer, he had envisioned a life full of glory, standing beside powerful pokemon, but never this… He had never even thought that such strength filled entities could be just as fragile as humans.

And so, he found himself standing nervously and entirely out of breath before the pokemon center, terrified to enter. What if… What if upon stepping through the doors he discovered that he had solely been responsible for the death of his best friend’s pokemon? He would likely never be able to talk to her again. But then, running away now would make him weak, and if Bel really had just lost her partner, she would need her friends to be the support in her time of weakness. So it was in that state of mind that Touya braced himself, and slammed open the doors to the pokemon center. Luckily, there wasn’t cause for alarm.

Bel had arrived just in time for the nurse to heal Piggy’s wound with the help of her Audino, and as Touya walked in, he noticed that although Bel was a bit somber looking, she was not in hysterics, which was a good sign.

Touya walked over to his friend and lay a gentle hand on her shoulder, giving her a look that told her ‘I’m here’, and she nodded, motioning for him to sit beside her in the waiting area. “The nurse said it wasn’t serious, but that if I had arrived any later it could have been fatal…”

Touya winced, unsure of what to say. There was no possible way for him to voice the internal explosion of guilt and regret so that she would understand how sorry he was. There weren’t words for what he was feeling.

He turned away from her, feeling as though he did not deserve to meet her eyes. “I’m sorry… If I had known…”

Bel hit him lightly in the shoulder. “Don’t you dare start! If you had known you would have what? What happened was unavoidable and accidental, and it most certainly was not your fault! So don’t you dare blame yourself for it!”

Touya wanted to argue, wanted to tell her she was wrong, that it was entirely his fault, that he regretted becoming a trainer, but he knew it would only add more stress to the situation. Instead, he sat quietly and waited beside Bel for when her pokemon would be released.

An hour or so later, Touya’s fidgeting became nearly unbearable, and Bel turned to him. “Look, I know you’re worried about Piggy too, but he isn’t your pokemon so you don’t have to be.” She paused. “What I mean is, go out, see the city a bit, go do something besides sitting here and twitching like a homeless man on LSD.”

The fact that she even knew what LSD was concerned him a bit, but Bel did have a point. Sitting around wasn’t going to help Piggy anymore than doing something productive would. Touya thanked her, and then rushed out of the pokemon center and away from the feeling of death.

He wandered around aimlessly for awhile, checking out a couple of shops, stopping for a quick bite to eat(he had forgotten about lunch in the midst of all the panic). He even went to check out the gym, only to be told the leaders were not yet awake and ready for challengers. No matter what he did, he still felt useless.

Eventually, while exploring a park, he came to a pond, where he threw out Nile and Liam’s pokeballs so they could swim and enjoy the warm weather while it lasted. He through down his bag, and lay on his back on the hill beside the water. He smiled a little as Nile jumped right in and began swimming around, whereas Liam lingered at the edge, testing the water with his nose, and jumping back in shock at the discovery that it was freezing. Perhaps maybe being a trainer could be alright if moments like these occurred in place of moments like… No, he would not focus on that now. He was going to relax.

“-the poor thing. I heard its trainer left it a month ago! I bet it’s starving…” Touya bolted upright, watching as two middle aged woman came walking down the path he had previously taken. He carefully stood, and approached them. “Umm excuse me ma’am, but what are talking about?”

The woman cast him a sympathetic glance, then turned to her friend, who shook her head. “You may as well tell him, before he gets attacked.”

Touya swallowed hard, this couldn’t be good.

“Well… There’s a pokemon in the old dream yard. Not unusual I know, there’s a lot of pokemon out there, but this one… I think it must have been brought by a trainer and just left there. It’s not like any pokemon I’ve ever seen out here, it’s all… It breaths fire for one thing.”

Touya shuddered, trying to picture a fire breathing pokemon. Perhaps a dragon? He ended up picturing Piggy, and it sent a pang of guilt through him. He nodded for her to continue.

“Anyway, it’s been attacking tourists a lot lately, I think it’s just scared, but the police have called it vicious, and if nobody else does anything about it, they’ll likely just put it out of it’s misery. Can’t say I blame them, it’s probably better off that way anyway. A pokemon without a trainer is as good as dead.”

But Touya had stopped listening. There was an abandoned pokemon lying alone in an unfamiliar place. But that wasn’t what left him with a feeling of dread. The police were going to put it out of it’s misery. The police were going to fucking kill an innocent scared and lost pokemon! That was just- Touya didn’t have a word powerful enough to describe how awful it was. But he wasn’t going to sit around and wait for the worst to happen. He was going to grab Nile and Liam, and he was going to do something about it.

He returned both of them to their pokeballs, grabbed his bag, and rushed off before the woman had a chance to ask where he was going.

He didn’t exactly know where the dream yard was, but he guessed it was the crumbling ruins in the distance, since it was the only place in Striaton City one could consider ‘old’. He kept running, not stopping for anything, not even people. If somebody got in his path, he yelled at them to move. He didn’t care, there were more important things to be done.

Soon the buildings thinned out and were replaced by trees, and Touya slowed to a jog, followed by a power walk, and then he stopped entirely to look around.

There was nobody around as far as could see, nor were there any pokemon. Yet, Touya could feel eyes on him. He shifted nervously. “If there’s anybody out there, please show yourself?”

Suddenly a bush began to rustle, and a small reddish orange pokemon jumped out, crouching low, and baring it’s sharp teeth. Touya pulled out his pokedex, and held it to the pokemon before him. “Pansear, the High Temperature Monkey pokémon. Pansear lives in caves near volcanoes. The temperature on the tuft on its head can reach 600 degrees when it’s angry. Pansear is a fire type pokemon.”

Suddenly it made sense why a little monkey would be spewing fire at tourists. If it was a fire type, that was likely the only defense tactic it had that made it feel safe.

The pokemon seemed to startle at the electronic voice, and growled threateningly at Touya. He slipped the device back into his pocket and held up his hands in surrender. “Hey, so you’re a Pansear… Look, I’m not here to hurt you, I just want to help.” He knew it was not angry however, because the tuft of fur on it’s head was not sizzling with heat as it should be were it enraged.

The Pansear’s growling grew louder, and as Touya took a step forward, it shot a small wisp of fire at his feet to tell him to back off. While he froze, he did not retreat.

He held his goal clearly in his mind as a blueprint for the interaction taking place. If he failed, this beautiful pokemon would likely be killed, and Touya would not allow this no matter what. Even if it meant getting a little burnt in the process.

He took another slow step forward, and the Pansear shot another flame, this time, enough to char his shoes. He winced, and gave it a pleading look. “Hey, you were a trainer’s pokemon before right?”

The pokemon in question froze, and Touya felt a surge of relief wash over him. Finally, they were getting somewhere.

“I understand you must be pretty scared because you don’t remember what it’s like surviving in the wild, and pretty upset because they left you, but you can’t just attack people.”

The Pansear growled at him, but lowered it’s claws a little, and stopped trying to burn him. Touya smiled a little. He had first thought that this encounter would be quite difficult, as he was about to try and persuade an abandoned pokemon to join him. Abandoned. Who even knew what the poor thing had been through. It could be traumatized, it could be dying for all Touya knew, but he was hell bent on recruiting it, if only to save it’s life.

He was about to hold out his hand, when there was a loud yelp of a Lillipup, and the Pansear fled with a look of pure panic.

He stared after it in shock. Shit. What would happen to it now?

With a heavy sigh, he turned to leave, intent on trying again the next day.

——————————————————

When he returned to the pokemon center, Bel was sitting with Piggy, who looked as though nothing had ever him in the first place. The little pig pokemon was bouncing around Bel’s feet as she offered him treats, and laughed in much the same lighthearted as when she was a child.

Touya breathed away any panic he had once held, and casually approached the two. “Hey Bel, it’s good to see Piggy is on his feet again…” He trailed off, not wishing to think about his first fight with Liam.

Bel nodded, and he could tell from the solemn shine in her eyes that she too did not want to bring the topic up. The stood in an awkward silence for a moment, until Piggy charged into Bel’s leg signaling he was hungry. Bel bent down and lay a hand gently across her pokemon’s head. “You must be pretty hungry after all that… Let’s go get some real food okay? Treats probably aren’t that filling.” She picked up her partner and stood up, turning over to Touya. “Would you like to come along? You look like you could use some lunch.”

Touya shook his head, his eyes locked on Piggy. Bel could use some alone time with her pokemon to reattach herself after such a traumatic incident, and ensure that his safety was in fact reality. While Bel was offering, he knew she was only doing so out of courtesy, and so, he returned the favor and denied her offer. “I’ve got something I’ve got to take care of, I’ll meet with you later.”

Bel hesitantly nodded, and after picking up Piggy, moved towards the cafeteria.

Touya sighed and collapsed against the nearest wall. Why in the world had he thought it a good idea to leave his mother alone like that? Not only had he likely scared her shitless, but now… He was hurting innocent creature. He took a moment to collect himself, and stood. Bel would likely be back this way sooner or later, and he had sworn to himself not to interrupt her reunion with Piggy. With not a single thought more of staying, he clutched his pokeballs to his belt, and left.

His wandering didn’t get him anywhere specific, and for a long time, he was left awkwardly roaming the streets as though he had somewhere to be, when in fact, he did not. He didn’t think about where he was going, that was left up to his feet. They would move and carry him wherever they needed to go and his mind would follow. Often times, people would stop to give him odd looks, as he sometimes walked up and down a street multiple times. He ignored those looks. They simply didn’t understand that sometimes, wandering with your body was preferable to wandering with your mind.

Eventually when his mind began to reconnect with his nervous system, and he started to feel the pain and fatigue of his unending walk cycle creeping up on him, he looked around to take in where he was.

Damn it.

Touya stared awkwardly at the building he had stopped in front of, trying not to alert the crowd of people near the entrance of his presence.

Of all places to end up, the trainer school was not where he had hoped to be.

And of all people to run into, Cheren was the last person Touya wanted to speak to as of now. Surely he would have no idea of the near tragedy that had occurred, and Touya did not wish to explain it to him. Yet knowing his friend, he would want a pokemon battle, and Touya would be forced to come up with some excuse as to why he did not wish to partake in one.

Cheren’s gaze suddenly shifted to his direction, and Touya groaned inwardly as his friend smirked and waved him over. His mind screamed at him to run away, but his legs moved mechanically, and soon he was standing before his friend and a crowd of six or seven children.

“Yo, Touya, I was just talking to these kids about what it’s like to be a pokemon trainer. You wanna give your thoughts?”

Touya shuffled awkwardly and stared at his feet. In truth, he wanted to say how awful it really was, but that would absolutely crush these poor children’s dreams, and with the way they were staring at him all wide eyed and expectant, he just didn’t have the heart to do so. Not to mention doing so would be informing Cheren in the worst possible way that he had almost killed their best friend’s first pokemon.

So instead of doing the logical thing and telling them the sad truth of the overly glorified profession, he put on the best fake smile he could muster and lied.

“It’s g-great! There’s nothing better than a good pokemon battle.”  
Unfortunately, Cheren jumped at his lie. “Touya, let’s show them what a great pokemon battle is like!”

Touya froze. This was not meant to happen. That lie was not meant to be taken so seriously. Shit what was he going to do? He panicked, taking a step back, his eyes going slightly wider than normal. “Er… Cheren… I was actually just about to go-“

Before he could finish his half-assed excuse, Cheren cut him off. “Nonsense. Let’s show them the true meaning of battling!”

That was how Touya once more found himself with Nile out of his poke ball facing off against one of his best friends in what could likely become a life or death battle.

Cheren sent out Fang, his Snivy, and Touya felt a shudder creep through him. This battle could only end in distraction was what his mind told him, but no matter how badly he wanted to he couldn’t forfeit. His voice acted on it’s own, calling out commands to his pokemon. “Nile, use tackle!” No don’t do that, please don’t- Nile moved, and Touya flinched. His pokemon rammed into Fang, knocking him into the dirt.

Cheren grinned. “Alright Fang, retaliate with vine whip!”

Touya’s world slowed down as Nile was thrown against the hard ground and there was nothing he could do to stop it. Nile let out a cry of pain, as the vines continued to lash and beat him.

The kids cheered and cried out in excitement, cheering Touya on in an effort to get him to fight back, but all this fell onto dead ears. The world was silent, a dark tunnel at the end of which lay Nile, injured and possibly dying, and all Touya could see was death.

Finally Touya could take no more, and his body moved on pure impulse. He jumped over Nile, acting as a human shield, and taking the lashing of vines for himself.

“Touya! That’s not how pokemon battles work get out of there!” But Touya didn’t move, for moving would mean the death of his partner, and he would rather lose his life than Nile’s. Nile squirmed below him, and he opened his eyes, seeing for the first time how beautiful his pokemon was, and how much he wanted to protect it. “Hey there… I’m not going to let you get hurt anymore…”

The vines continued to beat him, and he knew that Cheren had no intention of ending the battle early, so he prepared for the worst.

Suddenly the onslaught of whips stopped, and a pleasant warmth brushed against Touya’s side. He looked up and saw something that genuinely made him question his sanity. The Pansear from earlier, was standing in front of him, spitting flames at the vines that threatened his life. Touya sat up, picking up Nile with him, and watched in awe as the fire finally consumed Fang and knocked him out.

He should have been freaked out by the fact that he just knocked out his friend’s pokemon, but all he could think of was the previously timid fire pokemon now bravely protecting a trainer is had barely met.

“Fang you did good, please, rest.” Cheren called back his pokemon and pulled out another poke ball. “Purrloin, I trust you to take care of things here.”

Right, they were still in the middle of a pokemon battle.

Touya saw the kitty pokemon that Cheren had sent out, and instantly recalled that N had used the same pokemon against him in Accumula town. N… N had been right, yet, here he was, in the middle of a battle against somebody he greatly cared about. He felt guilty for sending out another poke ball rather than ending the fight, but he knew he could not simply quit with all the children watching. He reached for Liam’s poke ball, when Cheren called out to stop him.

“Touya, it’s two against two, you can’t send out another pokemon when you’re already using two!”

Touya looked at his friend in confusion. He only had one pokemon out, and it was practically dead… Unless… He looked over to the Pansear and groaned. How could he have forgotten…?

“She’s not my…” But his argument was ignored.

Touya awkwardly turned to the fire type. “Err… I know you probably don’t like trainers very much after… But would you mind…?”

The Pansear nodded and Touya let out a sigh or relief. He wouldn’t have to forfeit now. “Okay, let’s go! Pansear, use incinerate!” The fire type took a deep breath and blew flames at the cat pokemon, which let out a hiss of discomfort.

Cheren nodded, and looked to his Purrloin. “Alright, use leer.”

The cat pokemon crept up to the Pansear and leered down on it with eyes full of malice. The Pansear shuddered and took a step back, but sent out another wave of powerful flames in retaliation.

“Purrloin, finish it with scratch!”

Touya looked at the fire type which nodded. “Okay, we’ll finish this with scratch as well!”

Both pokemon ran at each other, claws outstretched. Touya and Cheren watched nervously, each hoping their pokemon would win. The Pansear was marginally faster, and managed to scratch at the Purrloin’s feet, causing it to lose it’s balance and fall unconscious to the ground.

Cheren called back his pokemon, and held out a hand for Touya to shake, but Touya had already left. His friend and the kids called after him, but right then, his only priority was getting his injured pokemon back to the pokemon center.

Damn it. He had once again failed N and allowed a pokemon to become hurt. If only he had… No. He knew within his heart that giving up now would mean everything he had worked for was forfeit, that the sacrifices he had made would be for naught. Giving up now would mean that his mother had been left alone for a selfish dream. Because that’s all it would be if he gave in, a depressingly unobtainable and childish dream.

As Touya rushed to get Nile medical help, he realized that he had already chosen his path. He would become a pokemon trainer, even if it meant turning a blind eye to the hideous things that trainers did to their pokemon. Inside, he felt he had betrayed his team, as well as the mysterious man with the green hair, but he did not show it.

His a heart heavy with betrayal, Touya ran towards what would likely be a path of loss. But there was no turning back now, he had already gone too far.


	5. Chapter 4 // Morality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Touya closed his eyes, forcing down the quickly rising bile as he knew the inevitable outcome. There was a snap of teeth, followed by a pained yelp, and then the sound of something heavy falling to the dirt. One pokemon had fallen."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has killed me. That's it. I am dead.   
> (Just kidding)
> 
> But seriously I spent so long writing this I don't know when the next chapter will be out. My muse for this fic has dwindled as a result of powering through this update.
> 
> Once again pokemon almost die because nuzlockes.

By the time Touya made it back to the pokemon center, Nile was doing a little better just from resting in his trainer’s arms. Despite the fact that he was no longer in a fatal condition, Touya still felt unnerved and on edge. The adrenaline and shock of such an intense situation would likely never fully leave him; it would continue to resurface with each battle he fought, like a geyser of trauma waiting to go off. But if Touya had to feel such terrible states of dread, it was only fair considering what he was requiring himself to do.

He hesitantly carried Nile over to the counter, and passed him to the nurse. 

She took one look at the Oshawott, and called over an Audino, who placed him on a stretcher. She turned to Touya and gave him a small smile. “Don’t worry about him, he’ll be fine.”

Touya nodded, and lifelessly went to sit down in the waiting area. The nurse could tell him a thousand times over that Nile would be fine, but it would not help. Nurses were required to speak positively, no matter how fatal the injuries sustained were. Touya knew this, and though he wanted to believe her, he knew in his heart that he couldn’t.

Time passed by, as slow as it possibly could. Seconds felt like minutes, minutes, like hours, and hours, like days. Throughout it all, Touya sat fidgeting nervously in a stone chair. Around him people went about their routine visits to the pokemon center, feeding their pokemon teams, finding a room for the night, or simply chatting away with fellow trainers. All of this was invisible to Touya. His world was void, filled with nothing but thoughts of regret and self-loathing. If only he had stayed with his mother-he had long since made his choice though, and now he would face the consequences. 

Eventually, he snapped out of his negative trance just enough to realize how stuffy the room was beginning to feel. It was cramped, and Touya felt terribly out of place amongst so much joy and excitement, and air was becoming increasingly difficult to take in. He quickly stood and rushed out of the pokemon center, not once looking back to see if the nurse had any news. 

Everything around him burred together as Touya wandered aimlessly, tripping over nearly every curb, every object, and every possible obstacle in his path. It wasn’t like it mattered though. The world seemed far too cheerful to match reality. 

His wandering eventually brought him to the same pond he had previously sat by as his pokemon played, and upon noticing the way the sunlight shined across its surface, Touya felt his eyes begin to water. Here, just a few hours prior, Nile had happily played in the water as though not a thing in the world could harm him. Now… Touya shook his head. Nile would be fine. Nile would be… He hoped Nile would be fine…

Hoped being the key word. Touya was not ignorant. He knew how badly Nile’s injuries were, and while he wished the pokemon to heal quickly and fully, he knew it was a matter of chance at this point. All he could do was trust the nurses to do their job and hope it was enough.

Flopping down onto the much to bright grass, he sighed, closing his eyes in an attempt to blur out the world. 

The water shimmered and sparkled with a vibrance that he felt he did not deserve to see. Everywhere around him life exploded into being. The trees swayed in the wind, the grass shined with the remains of the morning dew, the water rippled as the breeze gently cut into it. Yet the spot where Touya stood was frozen and stained monochrome. Where he stood not a single blade of grass shifted, not a wisp of wind rushed by… Around him life continued to bend and flow with time, yet he was paralyzed in negativity. 

He felt trapped. Trapped by his fears, and his regrets.

A tugging sensation sent his mind spinning back to reality. Something was grabbing his pants…? What could possibly…? He forced himself into a sitting position even though every one of his muscles screamed at him to just let go and drift away into the shadows of sleep. Oh.

The Pansear from before.

He stared at her, his expression tired and empty. “Why are you here? Shoo!” He swatted the air in front of him motioning for her to leave, and she flinched backwards ever so slightly. Even still she did not leave. He groaned. “Don’t you understand what happened? I put my partner in danger… Go! Get out of here!” Perhaps he was being a bit over dramatic, but at that particular moment he felt like a hazard to every life form on the planet.

The Pansear hesitantly sniffed at his clothing, and after a moment, reached out and tugged at his pants again. A throbbing ache was starting to build up in his head, and the longer he tried to argue with himself that the Pansear should simply leave, the more muddled his thoughts became. Why was she here anyway? He wondered if perhaps she had come to console him. If that was the case, which he doubted, she was wasting her time. He didn’t need or want to be consoled, he just wanted…

 _…For Nile to be okay…_ The thought hung heavily in the back of his mind like a single pebble within a pool of water, and he pushed it away with a grimace. 

…He just wanted to be alone. 

"You shouldn’t be here," he murmured to her. Truthfully, she did not need to be around a boy who could only endanger his friends. He didn’t wish to harm her after all. But when it became apparent that she was not likely to leave anytime soon, Touya flopped back against the grass once more. "I always thought… I always thought I’d be some great and powerful trainer… But now that I’ve actually started my journey, I’m starting to see what N meant back then… Humans can only do harm to pokemon. The life of a trainer… It’s one full of pain and bloodshed."

Sitting up slightly, he turned to face the small fire pokemon with a scowl. “I used to dream everyday of becoming champion you know. But now… Now I just want to protect my friends…” Here he was, pouring his thoughts out to a Pansear. “…You don’t understand any of this, do you…?” Of course she didn’t, she was just a pokemon. Even if she could understand human speech to some degree, she wouldn’t be able to understand the strains of being a pokemon trainer. Pokemon could not possibly become trainers after all.

Touya sighed, the pointlessness of the situation beginning to sink in. He sounded like such an angsty teenager. All this worrying-It was pointless. Nile would be fine. Nile  _had_  to be fine-Touya needed to calm down and-

No.

His mind was running in circles trying to come to a new conclusion and ultimately failing. No matter how he tried to imagine the situation, he could not find any positivity. Nile was badly hurt, and honestly, there wasn’t much hope.

"…Sear…?" 

The Pansear had climbed onto his lap and reached up to brush at his cheek. Touya looked at it, wondering when it had done so, and what it was doing in the first place. “What are you…?” He brought his own hand up to where the pokemon had placed its paw, and found his face damp. Tears. He was crying.

That realization was what forced away his composure. No longer could he hold in his emotions. No longer could he pretend life was perfectly okay. Like the collapse of a water dam, his fragile illusions of strength and masculinity exploded away, and he found himself sobbing softly against his knees. Nile… Oh Arceus he had royally fucked up…

He cried until his head spun from dehydration, until his vision distorted with the salt of his tears, and until his body trembled from the exertion of sitting down. The responsible trainer everyone thought he was disappeared, in its place a quivering child. Hiccupping, he pulled himself onto unsteady legs, bending and bowing with each step like a willow. He walked exactly five paces before he dropped to his knees once more. This time, not a tear poured forth. He was empty; even if he wished to cry, there was not a tear left in him.

The Pansear waddled after him, its miniscule arms flailing side to side as though it didn’t know what to do with them. Touya ignored her, but she persisted. She nuzzled against his leg, latching her tiny paws to his clothing. He gazed down at her, willing her away with his thoughts, but instead of detaching himself from her grasp, he reached down and stroked her soft fur. 

It was warm; a kind of warmth that worked its way through the cracks in his tender facade and into his bones, calming him. Clarity came then. It was a clarity he hadn’t felt in his emotional tempest, but one that held extreme importance. “You don’t… You don’t care that I’m… You don’t think I’m bad,” he murmured, and it was the truth. The Pansear had come from a uniquely horrible trainer, and Touya was a huge improvement.

Touya was…

Touya gaped. “You want me to…?” A nod from the small pokemon was all he needed to temporarily dispel his distress. This innocent creature wanted him as its new trainer. He wasn’t bad, he was just…

Touya shook his head deciding not to think too hard on it. Instead he turned to the fiery pokemon and asked, “do you have a name?” Its response was simple; a nod of its head; yes it did have a name. “Er right…” Of course it would have a name, it had previously been a trainer’s pokemon after all. They would have named it. 

It was then that a metallic glint caught his eye. Caught up in the distress of his previous failure Touya hadn’t noticed it, but the Pansear was wearing a pink collar. It fit snuggly around the small creature’s neck, and dangling from it was a silver tag. Gently, he reached out and wrapped his fingers around it.

"Blair," he murmured. "Your name is Blair…"

Suddenly, things didn’t feel so dark anymore. He had a new friend, someone else to watch over. He’d become a better trainer, he knew he would. If not to become champion, he’d become a better trainer to protect Nile, Liam, and now, Blair. Motioning towards her neck, Touya asked, “does it hurt at all?” A nod, followed by a pained whine. Touya frowned, and shifted forward to poke at the collar. It was a simple accessory, one that could easily be removed by a trainer. But Blair was a pokemon, and therefore likely unable to get the thing off herself.

"Do you want it off?" Without waiting for her response, he unhitched the buckled and pulled it off, tossing it into the pond. Instantly, she threw herself at his chest, hugging him with her chubby little arms. "Ahh, umm you’re welcome I guess…" He awkwardly wrapped his arms around her to return the hug. He felt relieved to have removed the collar from her; it signified the trainer who had left her to die, and in a sense, letting go of it symbolized the fresh start she and Touya were going to live together.

Touya let her sit with him for a few more minutes, before recalling his original purpose for traveling to Striaton Cirty, to challenge the gym leader. An hour prior he wouldn’t have done so, but now that he had calmed down and turned his thought positive, the idea didn’t seem so horribly unappealing. He looked down at the small pokemon in his lap before making up his mind. With her he would be able to defeat even a gym leader. “Hey umm… Blair… Do you think you’re up for a gym match?” 

She shifted in his lap, gazing up at him with innocent eyes, and nodded. Suddenly, a huge weight was lifted from his shoulders. He had a new teammate, not just a friend, but a pokemon that would fight with him. Overcome with a new sense of courage, Touya made up his mind. He would challenge the Striaton gym, he would win, and he would do it that day. “…Blair, I’m counting on you…” He smiled, picking her up, and beginning his trek back into town. 

His walk was, for the most part, brisk, repetitive(he felt he’d walked the same route a million times prior), and full of unbridled and unexplainable excitement. Only moments ago he’d been in such a slump, but now… Now he had something to look forward to. He had a new friend, one who he would protect by growing as a trainer. In a matter of minutes, he was standing outside the gym doors, twitching with anticipation. 

This was it.

This was his first real test as a trainer.

Taking a mere breath to prepare himself, he pushed open the doors which led to his first challenge. …What he found, was far from what he was expecting.

The atmosphere of the place, was nothing like he’d imagined a pokemon gym. There were tables littered about, each dressed with a fine white table cloth and formal array of silverware. There were young woman and men alike chatting aimlessly away, ignorant of how menial they sounded. There were absolutely no pokemon in the room, save Blair, and he suddenly felt extremely out of place. Over all it felt quite comical, like he’d somehow gotten the wrong address. If he wasn’t 100% certain of the large sign outside reading “Striaton Gym”, he might just have left.

But oddly enough, the setting itself wasn’t what he found most queer. No. The setting, as odd as it was for a pokemon gym, was perfect for a small cafe or tea house. What really caught Touya’s eye, were the three waiters who seemed to flit from one table to another, flashing bright smiles and spilling smooth flirtatious comments. They seemed to care much more about gaining infatuation than waiting tables.

Aside from their playful attitudes, Touya grimaced at how incredibly flamboyant their appearances were. The one farthest away from him, standing in the complete back of the room, had bright red hair. Touya mused it looked more like a campfire than hair, with the way it curled and spiraled up from his head. He was busy chatting amiably away, showing of his tenacious and fiery persona. In that respect at least, his appearance seemed to fit his attitude.  

The second waiter, had hair the color of meadow grass. It was short and slicked back, yet it would not stay completely flat. This man seemed the most subdued of the three, something that greatly relieved Touya. At least there was some normality in this damn building, no matter how vague. This man was a lot more relaxed and reserved than the first; he stood writing down the order for a young woman and her friend, his posture high-held yet hesitant. He seemed shy, as though he despised socializing so much, yet he still managed to keep a friendly smile plastered to his face.

The last waiter, and the one closest to him, had blue hair that cascaded around his face and framed his relaxed expression in serenity. He was by far the most confident of the three, yet simultaneously the most at at ease. He spoke to a young man who appeared mesmerized by his voice. It was no surprise really; such a suave man was bound to have the eyes of everyone on him, regardless of gender.

In his moment of admiration for this unique trio, the waiter closest to him glanced up from his conversation in his direction. “Ah! A customer,” he enunciated, “come in my friend, you surely must come in and join us.” It was then that Touya could appreciate the eccentricity of these three men. Sure they were… A bit… Odd… But they made up for their lack of normality with charm and hospitality. 

In response however, Touya shook his head. “I’m not a customer I’m just… Er-” What was he going to say? He wasn’t even sure this was a gym after all. “I’m…” 

Before he could embarrass himself any further, the flamboyant redhead bounced forth towards the front of the room and called out, “you dolt, he’s here for the  _back,_  can’t you see he’s got a pokemon with him?” 

Touya squeaked, “I am?”

"Of course he is, can’t you see his pokemon?" In the next couple of seconds he found himself surrounded by three equally eager and eccentric waiters, each peering intently at Blair and trying to gauge his persona.

The green-haired one leaned in closer, and replied, “I say, Chili you’re right. He does have a pokemon with him…”

"Of course I’m right, I know a trainer when I see one."

"It’s a Pansear just like your Feu, do you think it’s as strong?"

"Don’t be absurd Cilan," the blue-haired waiter cut in, "no Pansear can beat Chili’s. That’s why he’s here remember…"

"It’s a shame I was looking forward to a good match…"

"Er… Sorry to interupt but…" Touya fidgeted awkwardly where he stood, each of the three men towering around him. He was starting to feel rather flustered, what with the lack of regard for his personal space. Honestly he wanted them to leave him be. If that meant no gym match, so be it. He didn’t care about anything more than air anymore.

Fortunately they chose that moment to snap back into reality and remember his pressence and humanity. The blue-haired man pulled the other two back and frowned. “I’m very sorry, it seems we’ve forgotten to introduce ourselves… You must be terribly confused, allow us to explain.” With a breath to calm himself, he began, “My name is Cress, I am a water type specialist. This,” he motioned to his right, to the green-haired man, “is my brother Cilan, a grass trainer. This,” he motioned to his left, to the redhead, “is my brother Chili, a user of fire-types. We’re triplets you see, a very special trio.”

Chili scoffed at his brother’s description. “Aww come on, you leave out all the best bits. What my brother meant to say, is that we’re three brothers…”

"…who happen to be the leaders of the Striaton City gym," Cilan finished.

Touya vaguely wondered if they were so used to giving this speech that they knew their parts by memory, or if they were just so odd they could finish each other sentences. He’d heard stories of twins who were joined in thought, but never of triplets. Then again… He’d never really heard of triplets before, much less triplet gym leaders. Touya found them exceedingly creepy either way. 

"…Right," he mumbled, more as a confirmation to himself than to them.

"So, you came to challenge one of us," Chili started.

Cress finished, “but who will it be?”

"The decision is up to you," they said in tandem.

Touya thought briefly on the subject. If he’d had Nile with him, the obvious choice would have been Chili, the fire trainer, yet… Nile… Touya cringed, the wounds left by Nile’s near fatal match against Cheren’s Fang still fresh and open. He’d have to avoid derailing his thoughts along that particular train wreck any further…

"Actually," Cilan spoke softly,"Chili, Cress, I’d like to fight him. Vient could use the practice, especially against a fire type like a Pansear…"

Chili scoffed, “how d’ya know he’s gonna use his Pansear though?” 

Cilan shrugged; his brothers point obviously made sense. None of the three knew what pokemon Touya would send out in his match; for all they knew he could very well be a master trainer only just taking a gym challenge out of boredom. He decided it necessary not to mention that his only two healthy and able pokemon were ones he’d barely caught. Liam had been with him for only a day or two, and Blair, hardly an hour.

Touya thanked Arceus however, when Cress spoke up, cutting out all doubt in his pokemon choice, and ensuring his opponent. “Honestly Chili, the boy is a  _pokemon trainer_ , and while he holds the timidity of a beginner, he also appears much smarter than one.” He paused, motioning to Blair. “I’m sure you remember how difficult it was for you to tame Feu. No beginner would willingly take on one of the three elemental monkeys.”

…Elemental apes…? What in the world was he talking about…? And for that matter, why was it so bad for a beginner to take on a pokemon like Blair…? To say he’d been confused before was a major overestimation compared to how he felt then. His mind was utterly lost.

Then, Cress turned to him and continued his speech. “I’m certain he’s competent enough to send out a fire pokemon against a grass, and so on so forth. The question is, will he accept your challenge?” 

Touya shuddered; three pairs of eyes were trained intently on him, creating a feeling of nudity within his mind. He felt they’d stripped away any mental barriers that separated his thoughts from theirs; that they were pressuring him into answering ‘yes’, or worse, forcing the thought into his mind.

Ultimately it was the look on Cilan’s face that made his decision for him. He’d only just met this man, but he disliked the look of doubt held behind that hopeful mask. Reluctantly, he nodded.

Cilan visibly brightened, and Chili lightly slapped him on the back. “See, you just gotta ask, and you’ll get anything you desire!” In some regard, Touya discerned he might have fell victim to one of the very tactics these brothers seemed to throw at and charm their customers with, but right then he couldn’t care. 

The nervousness from before had set in once more.

He was led to the back of the room, towards a large set of regal ruby colored curtains spanning the entire wall. Had those always been there? If so,  _how_  in the  _world_  had he missed them? They were ominously surreal, the way they surged down from the edge of the ceiling to pool on the floor in scarlet ripples. They closely resembled a cataract of blood, and if gym matches were anything like his match with Cheren, Touya mused these curtains served as a warning to potential challengers. 

Then, staring at the final barrier between his life and his dreams, Touya recalled Nile; he recalled his pleading face, his innocent mewls for help, and his broken form huddling gratefully below his trainer; the trainer who had caused him such pain to begin with. Paranoia seeped in, his limbs gaining weight with each step he took. He couldn’t do it… He couldn’t put Blair in danger. Nile was enough, he had to stop this, he had to-

No. Even as every step required ten times the strength of that before it, he forced his legs onward. He had already made up his mind before he accepted Blair’s companionship; he would become a trainer. He’d be more careful, he’d train harder, and he’d definitely grow stronger so that he could protect those he held dear. And if along the way he suffered, so be it. That was the life of a pokemon trainer; a harsh reality rarely realized until much too late.

Becoming a trainer was throwing away all sense of morality; it was one of the cruelest things imaginable. Yet, he’d do it.

Chili and Cress moved to stand by opposite ends of the curtain, and Cilan led him towards the center. “Normally we dislike mixing gym business with our cafe, so we had these curtains put up, but sometimes we drop them for special challengers to give our other customers entertainment.” Cilan raised a hand to motion at his brothers, when he suddenly seemed to notice Touya’s nervousness. Shaking his head to Cress, who shook his head in turn at Chili, he frowned. “…But judging from your hesitancy, I think we’ll have our match privately.”

Touya could only nod, too nervous to form a proper reaction.

Cilan parted the curtain, and motioned for him to step through, and he did just that, his motions empty and lacking energy. The scarlet grew in his vision until it completely swallowed him up, and he was on the other side of the great red waterfall. This was it, he had just taken his first official steps towards a future wrought with misery; vaguely he wondered why he was so okay with this fact.

On the other side of the curtains, he froze. Now, this, _this_  was what he imagined a gym to be like. It was a bit plain, but it still lived up to its title. The room itself was set up like a large stadium, with seats sitting on a downhill slope facing the center. It was spacious enough to hold at least two hundred people, yet Touya doubted it ever had in the past. It looked far too clean, white, and sterile to have been used. In fact, it was so immaculate, Touya found it comparable to a hospital. 

The only area in the room that looked naturally lived in, was the arena in the center of the chamber. It was simple, yet comforting in the sense that it  _belonged_  in a pokemon gym. The seats were nice, the cafe was nice, and the waiters were nice, but the only part of the gym that truly belonged, was the damn arena.

It was a mere rectangle, quite small in contrast to the rest of the room, yet it had been filled in with dirt to give the pokemon a feel of nature. The space was lumpy in some areas, and full of footprints, claw marks, and small craters, but it held the air of a gym none the less, and that was all Touya could hope for at this point.

Cilan shuffled awkwardly over to his side of the field, and Touya followed suit. “Er… We should start,” the gym leader murmured with a nod of self assurance. Reaching down into his apron pocket, he pulled out a pokeball. He placed a gentle kiss on the top, taking a moment to close his eyes in a silent prayer for luck, and then threw the ball high in the air. “Come on friend, let’s do our best.”

Touya watch in disbelief as a very familiar and fluffy form emerged from the capsule; a Lillipup.

A normal type…

While Blair was perfectly powerful, and still hanging in his arms, he wanted to save her. Cilan would likely send out a grass type next, considering that was his entire reason for challenging him in the first place, and Touya wanted Blair to be completely ready for whatever the gym leader had to throw at them.

That left only one option. He’d have to use Liam.

Eyes locked on the Lillipup, Touya set Blair down, reached into his bag, and pulled out the last occupied pokeball he owned. It felt cold in his hand, causing him to shiver. ”Liam, don’t fail me now…”  _Please don’t die_ is what he thought. Bringing his arm slowly back, he launched the sphere towards the arena.

Liam landed with an energized yip, and Touya let out a breath of air. The puppy pokemon was far too cheerful to be facing off against another like it, Touya mused. Even still joy was a sign that Liam was alive, something he needed to be reminded of no matter how idiotic it felt to admit it.

The opponent growled at Liam, who hunched down into a feral crouch, readying himself for the attack that was sure to come. He bared his fangs menacingly, but Cilan’s Lillipup did not back down. “Alright, if you won’t make the first move, we will. Lillipup, give it a bite.” At his master’s command, the Lillipup shot forward, ramming its fangs into Liam before he had the chance to attack.

"Shit- Liam!" Touya called out to his pokemon, panicked that the blow might have done more damage than Liam could take. This was precisely what he’d been afraid of, what if Liam- Blair was once more tugging at his pant leg much as she had earlier, and he glanced down at her. Though she could not talk, he got her message loud and clear;  _stop wasting time worrying and get to work._ With a clench of his fists to steady himself, he continued. “Right…”

"Liam, hit it back, give it a tackle!"

Liam surged into his attacker, knocking it into the dirt with a blow comparable to a balloon popping. Quickly, he jumped back awaiting for his trainer’s next orders.

Cilan hesitated then, clearly noting that while his own Lillipup was faster, Liam was stronger. At this rate Liam was sure to win the round. “Lillipup, stop, pull back.”

Touya watched Cilan carefully, yet with bewilderment. The small pokemon however acted as though this were a completely normal occurrence, which served only to heighten his nervousness. The gym leader had more experience, whatever he was planning was clearly going to be quite the gamble.

"You know what to do; work-up."

The Lillipup crouched down, baring its predatory fangs at Liam, and growling viciously. Looking closely at the pokemon, Touya noticed something odd. Its fur was flying upward as though caught against a storm, yet they were indoors with not a single bit of wind. To make things worse, it looked almost as though the pokemon was starting to glow from the air around it. 

Suddenly, it snarled, and Touya noted with a grimace that whatever move Cilan had commanded it to use raised its aggression dramatically; he’d have to end this quickly or Liam might not be able to match its intensity. That meant he’d have to use the very attack that had nearly ended his best friend’s partner.

"Lillipup, bite, again!"

"Liam, use bite, do not go easy." His words were cold and commanding.

Liam glanced hesitantly at his trainer before jumping forward. Touya closed his eyes, forcing down the quickly rising bile as he knew the inevitable outcome. There was a snap of teeth, followed by a pained yelp, and then the sound of something heavy falling to the dirt. One pokemon had fallen.

The thought of opening his eyes sickened him; even if Liam was fine, and Cilan’s Lillipup had fallen… He’d chosen to become trainer, he’d chosen to do such outrageous harm to such innocent creatures, yet… He wished to ignore the outcome, to pretend he hadn’t seen the truth. Which is why until Cilan called out a hesitant, “return Lillipup,” he grit his teeth, held his eyes glued shut, and feigned ignorance. 

"He’s fast, I’ll give him that," Cilan began calmly, "but, my Lillipup is only a recent addition to my team. You should know that, considering I challenged you to face a grass type."

Touya hesitantly opened his eyes, gazing blankly at the battlefield. Even now that Cilan’s Lillipup was gone, Touya could see the telltale signs that he’d cause massive damage to it. The way Liam crouched with a slight shake to his angered form, the crater caused by his opponent’s collapse, and the splatter of blood trailing forth from it. Touya swallowed heavily, and held forth Liam’s pokeball.

"Return Liam, you did good…"

On the opposite side of the feild Cilan smiled, clearly excited for the main event of the match. Touya despised that he could remain so casual after a near fatal blow to one of his pokemon, yet he bit his lip and remained silent.

Instead, he turned his head to glance down at Blair, taking in her excited disposition. “It’s your turn, think you’re ready?” She replied by jumping electrically to her feet, and bouncing to the center of the field. Touya was glad to see her so animated, but he remained edgy. Cilan was after all, a gym leader; he’d likely faced many fire types with his team before, meaning he likely had a good strategy for dealing with them. He didn’t want Blair injured.

Blair was his newest pokemon, and one who’d been alone in the world barely two hours prior. Allowing Blair to be injured as Nile had been would feel like a betrayal; he couldn’t withstand something of that caliber. He watched Cilan intently as the man reached into his apron and pulled forth another pokeball.

"Vient, prenez votre étape." (take your stage)

Touya had no idea what in the world Cilan said, but he wasn’t given much time to process it. Almost as soon as the words were spoken, Cilan threw the sphere dramatically into the air. There was a burst of light, and Touya was suddenly unsure what he was looking at. The pokemon looked quite similar to Blair in many respects. In fact, the only major differences between the two were the coloring of their fur, and the shape of their fluff. Where Blair’s fur was red, this pokemon’s was green. Like wise, where Blair’s fur curled and spiraled into what resembled flames, this pokemon’s fur puffed out to favor a tree. 

Even their energy was in perfect mirrored unison. 

Quickly, Touya rummaged around his bag until he located his pokedex. It couldn’t hurt to see what exactly he was facing off against. “Pansage, the Grass Monkey Pokémon. Pansage offers leaves on its head to Pokémon that have low energy. The leaves relieve stress. Pansage is a grass type pokemon.” Touya vaguely wondered if this is what Cress had meant by elemental monkeys.

Cilan seemed to be growing impatient, so he gave his first command. “Blair, use incinerate!” Blair surged forward, her body slowly picking up heat as she moved. Each passing second her core temperature rose, until right as she was about to hit Vient, her fur ignited, singeing the poor grass type as it was slammed into the earth. 

Touya’s surprise at witnessing her true power was nothing compared to Cilan’s; he looked downright terrified, as though he were staring at his biggest nightmare in place of his profession. He recovered quickly however, and though he shook with timidity, Touya’s respect for him him rose; it was just like a gym leader to react flawlessly under pressure.

"Vient, let’s do this quickly. Vine whip!"

Vient, though thoroughly injured from Blair’s last blow, bounced up into the air, and spun. Touya was captivated by the amount of strength it still had, for a single jump had brought it nearly fifteen feet into the air. Each spin brought more momentum, until it became apparent that if it’s attack hit, Blair would not be let off easy. He cried out, ”Blair, get out of the way-!”

It was too late, the grass pokemon spun once more and struck its vine-like tail heavily into Blair. She let out a shrill whine as her small form was pressed into the earth, and her fur began to glow with heat. Was she… Perhaps… In a moment of panic, Touya called out, “incinerate,” and the area surrounding the two pokemon was engulfed in flames.

Vient had no time to react, his fur on fire, he screeched and thrashed around violently, but it was no use. Blair’s fire would not go out as long as she held it as a protective barrier; Vient’s only salvation was when Cilan returned him to his pokeball. Glaring at Touya, he spoke, “where did you get this pokemon?”

"She… She found me… Near the Dreamyard… " he replied, wondering where his interest had surfaced from.

Cilan muttered, “I thought so,” before slipping his pokeball into his apron. Quickly, he shuffled around in the very same pocket and pulled out a thin metallic object. “Take it. Just… Get that thing away from our gym.” He tossed the badge into the dirt near Touya’s feet.

Touya scrabbled to gather his badge and his pokemon, wondering why in the world Cilan was so upset by the identity of his pokemon; she was just another challenger after all… Sure she’d done some damage to his friend but…

None the less, he obediently and swiftly left the gym, having little desire to stay in such a vile place. The grandeur of the cafe in the front was now lost, its once gleaming tabletops dull and vengeful in his mind. Even the smiling faces now appeared against him; rather than the joy they had previously held, they seemed to mock him.

As he stepped towards the doors, he vaguely overheard whispers amongst the three brothers.

"Isn’t that-" Cress…

"Yeah, the Pansear I left out in the Dreamyard." Chili…

"Because it attacked Vient…?" Cress again…

"Yeah… Poor Cilan… I thought we’d finally gotten rid of her for good…" Chili once more…

The whispers ended as he stepped through the gym doors and they clicked shut behind him. How could Blair have… She was so sweet… The thought of his partner being so corrupt sickened him; everything sickened him. With a mind full of sickening and conflicting thoughts, he headed back towards the pokemon center. 

Though he kept telling himself becoming a trainer was a good goal, it didn’t make reality any less real; he was chasing a life of destruction.

He’d nearly killed a gym leader’s pokemon that day; that alone was proof enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I've said before, if you have any questions, you can ask them over here ----> http://chasing-illusions-nuzlocke.tumblr.com/ I hope you all enjoyed the next part of Chasing Illusions~

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed the next part, if you have any questions, you can ask them over here ----> http://chasing-illusions-nuzlocke.tumblr.com/


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